Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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