Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
