Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
