Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
