is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
