can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
