He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
