actually, I'm a sock model
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
