so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
