I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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