Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you inspire me to be a worse person
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
