4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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