sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
