When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
