I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
