just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
