Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
