either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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