You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
