I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
