No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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