i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
