Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
