is your mom at the bar?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
