She said her name was "party"
too bad you live with your parents still
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
