"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
