I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
