my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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