So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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