The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
