Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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