Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
