Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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