I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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