I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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