so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
