Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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