He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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