Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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