I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
