she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
