Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
