Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
