I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
