i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
