Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's shark week go big or go home
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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