I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
