I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
