There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
