So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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