This is not my ceiling
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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