he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Found your dick twin last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
