new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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